let me bare myself to you
by swallowedminds
Summary: For Castlefanfic Monday. Castle, Beckett, and a late night phone call.


**This is for a prompt that I saw on tumblr which I will post at the end ;)**

 **So I'm suuuper nervous about this so be gentle? I wanna thank Alex for helping me. You're the best :)**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Shit.

Everything has gone to complete shit and she doesn't know why or how. She thought they were in a good place, finally finding their way towards one another, ready to dive in at a moment's notice. But out of nowhere, he started pulling away, acting like the man he was years ago. She's been making so much progress towards the place she wants to be and knowing that he likely won't be there when the wall falls makes her want to cry, curl up back inside herself to shield the pain.

Now he's running and gunning with Slaughter; a cop known for going through partners faster than underwear. Not only is Kate worried about them and how many steps backwards on this path that they've taken, but she's worried about his safety now, too. Slaughter's not going to have his back the way he should, they _she_ would.

How did this all get so messed up?

* * *

She got to him. She knows she got to him from her last words, _"because that's what partners_ _do_ " struck a chord in him. She saw it in his eyes, the way he watched her walk away from him. His eyes have never been so dim, shadowed away by pain and betrayal.

Something's been going on with him and knowing the man as well as she does, the man she fell in love with is still there, she should seize this opportunity to fix whatever has broken between them. Now that he's gone, she realizes he is her drug; he is the air she breathes. She needs her partner back.

She can take anger, jealousy, impatience because it means he still cares, but having him pull away and date other women? It means it's too late, she's lost her chance, his heart has closed up, denying her access, and does he even still love her anymore? The thought has her knees knocking, head pounding, heart staggering, too crippled to beat anymore. It feels like it might just fall out of her chest and go splat on the ground.

There's only way to find out how he feels about her. And she's terrified of the answer.

She calls him; it's almost midnight, but she calls him. She holds her breath as it rings, palms sweaty, and her stomach is in knots.

"Castle," he answers, voice gruff and laced with sleep.

"H-hey, it's me."

"Where's the body?"

She bites her lip, throat closing up, making her head spin. Why is she so afraid of his tone? The indifference towards her has her eyes stinging, but she plows on, not ready to give up just yet.

"Hello?"

Castle usually greets her with warmth, a flirtation safe enough to participate in, but now he's cold, blocked and _whup_ , there goes her heart, splattered all over her bedroom floor. Her legs are turning to jelly. She won't survive too long like this, without him.

Her voice cracks when she speaks after several moments. "I'm not calling because of a body."

"Then whatever it is you called for, can it wait 'til the morning?" It doesn't sound like a question, more of a demand and it's this moment Kate believes she's lost him. The Castle she knew would tease her endlessly about calling at this hour. He'd make some sly remark asking if it was a booty call and how she's welcome to call anytime. Instead he's acting as if just hearing her voice disgusts him.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah it can." Kate kicks at the air with her feet, chiding herself for giving up to easily.

"Okay, goodnight, Beckett."

But he doesn't hang up; she can still hear him breathing on the other line. She knows this is her only chance to explain, to get him back, but her mind is still spinning. It can't catch up with her voice, she can't speak the words that need to be said. Her chest still hurts from the hole that's there now.

He's sighs, waiting for her. Always waiting for her. But she can't find the courage to say anything.

"Goodnight," he whispers before ending the call.

The phone drops from her ear, regret forming and wrapping itself along her spine, traveling down until all she feels is guilt pumping through her veins. Flopping down on the bed, tears begin to leak from her eyes and she hates herself for being such a coward. Kate groans, loud enough to mimic screams of pain.

This was her only chance, the only way back to him and she failed when all she wanted nothing more than to dive in with him, but now it's too late.

 _Kate Beckett, pull your sorry ass together._

A voice in the back of her head says so vividly that Kate jerks, looking around the room for the source. It sounds way too much like Lanie. But either way the woman is right. What is moping around like a teenage girl going accomplish?

Checking the time- 11:39pm- she takes a deep breath, filling her lungs with steel. She's calling back and this time she won't chicken out.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, her feet dangling off the end, and thumb dancing over the call button next to his name, nervousness freezes her blood like ice. She can do this, she can do this, she can do this. It's just Castle. But that's exactly the problem. It _is_ Castle and he is everything. She can't screw this up again.

She takes another deep breath and checks the time again. 11:41 Pm. It's morning… almost.

"Beckett, what do you want?" He's fully alert now, not a hint of sleep in his voice, but he still sounds angry, even a bit annoyed.

"What do _I_ want? That's uh, that's a good question, Castle. But a better one is, what do _you_ want?"

There's some noise in the background that sounds like he's shifting in bed, imagines him sitting up, flicking on his bedside lamp, and rubbing his hand down his scruffy face to rid himself of the last remnants of sleep. The image is sexy and Kate finds herself longing for early Sunday mornings, his face rough, scratching at different parts of her body; lazy kisses and cuddling.

"What do you mean?"

"A little while ago, I remember a deal being struck. And now it seems you're going back on it."

"I really don't know what you're talking about."

"On the swings," she swallows, voice coming to a timid murmur. "I thought you understood."

Breathing heavily and closing his eyes, Castle responds, voice deep and the rumbling vibrates in her ear, making her skin buzz. "I thought I did too."

"What happened, Castle?"

"I think you know. You lied. You've been lying this whole time. But what I can't figure out is, were you ever going to tell me?"

Eyes snapping shut at his words, her heart stutters as she tries to speak. She won't let go, won't give up on everything they could be, everything they are.

"Of course I was."

"When? How long were you going to string me along and let me have false hope?" His tone is deeper, but his words spew a poison she hopes she has a cure for.

Confusion is etched across her face and she shakes her head. "Castle, no." She sighs. "That's not it at all." How did she manage to screw this up so monumentally? Not only does he doubt her, but the way she feels about him too. He doesn't believe in her anymore.

"Then, what is it? You've known how I felt about you for almost a year and you never said anything," he snaps. "You could've just told me you didn't feel the same. I would've gotten over it, eventually."

"No, no." Laying back on her bed, an arm flung over her eyes, Kate tells him what she's been keeping hidden inside herself for too long. "Castle, how could you think that I don't love you too?" Tears threaten to form in her eyes, and she wants to beg him for forgiveness, wants this whole mess behind them.

"Because if you did, you wouldn't have lied to me."

"I lied to protect you!" Kate exclaims, rapidly.

"Protect me from what, Kate? You think whoever is behind your mother's murder would kill me because I-"

"No." She pauses, swipes her tongue out to wet her lips. "Protect you from me."

Neither of them speak for several moments, the tension between them so thick it's almost like they're in the same room, staring directly into each other's eyes. A lone tear falls from Kate's eye and trails down the side of her face. She swipes at it instantly.

"I- I don't understand, so you're gonna have to spell it out for me, Kate."

Taking a tentative breath, she tells her story. "I was so broken, after I got shot. I could barely walk. Every time I closed my eyes I relived that day. Sometimes," running her fingers through her hair with her free hand, she continues. "It was me dying, sometimes it was y-you." Castle sucks in a sharp breath. "Other times…it was you who pulled the trigger.. while you said you loved me."

"Kate…"

"I'm sorry. I was trying to be better for you. I wanted to be worthy. Castle, you're such a good man and I'm just this broken-"

"You're not broken."

"-woman. I wanted to deserve you."

She hears him swallow, his breathing getting heavier. "Why should I believe anything you say?" It's strained, the last of his fight wearing thin.

From how hard she's been sinking her teeth into it, her lip feels swollen now, and she can taste the faintest trace of blood.

It's all or nothing now. No holding back.

"Because I want you."

"What?"

"God, I've been wanting you for _so_ long," she says, voice speaking from the intensity of her words, from the ache inside. Holding her breath because she doesn't want him to hear how worked up she is, her hand begins to travel low on her abdomen, rests impatiently above her pajama pants.

She knows his next words are either going to make or break them. Sweat beads on her forehead, legs clenching together, and her lip is still between her teeth. She's nervous because she's aching for him to say he still feels it too.

"How much?"

Releasing a frantic breath, Kate moans, shoving her pants out of the way. "If only you could see," she whispers.

Castle groans, a slight whine to his voice when he speaks again. "There's no going back from this, Kate."

There's so much that could be said, but she settles for, "good," and continues to pant into the phone.

"Tell me," he begs. "Tell me everything."

Hand slowly climbing up her torso to skim the underside of her breast, she shudders. "When you touch me, it's almost like I'm melting." A blush forms in her cheeks, spreads out to span her ears and neck. "Your skin is so warm every time I've touched you. Soft. And your hands are so _big_ and-"

"Uggh," he groans in frustration and she hears him smack his forehead. "Kate," her name like a prayer on his lips, "I wish you were here."

"Ditto."

"Come over."

Smiling coyly and burying her face in the blanket, Kate sighs. "No, it's late, Castle."

"So? You're like ten minutes away."

"I have court in the morning."

"If you come over," he says, voice too enticing, tempting her all too easily. "I'll make sure to tire you out so you can get plenty of sleep."

Kate sucks her lip between her teeth, smile stretching wide across her face. He drives a hard bargain. "As tempting at that sounds, but when I'm finally with you," voice dropping to a throaty moan. "Sleep is the last thing I wanna do."

"Hmm."

"Plus, I would have to change into something-"

"What are you wearing?"

"Nothing worth telling," she grins, legs spreading out on the bed.

"Sorry. I lost you at nothing."

"T-shirt."

"Color?" he asks.

"White. And a pink bra with black panties." Bending both knees up, Kate's fingers dip below the elastic of her underwear. "What about you?" Heat emanates from below, thick and moist, and she has to stop herself from moaning too loud.

"Nothing special. Black shirt, boxers."

Kate can imagine him perfectly in her mind. Sitting against his headboard with one hand on the phone and the other dancing dangerously close to his boxers. She lets her finger lightly graze her clit and her hips sky rocket off the mattress. Electricity travels up her insides, dropping her jaw for a silent scream.

"Kate?"

"Keeping talking, Castle." There's no way he doesn't know what's she's doing now, and that thought alone has her body heating up despite the chill in the air. "Please."

Putting the phone on speaker, one hand travels to play with her breasts, while the other stays below her underwear, driving herself crazy with tender touches.

It takes a moment, but Castle eventually gathers up the words she needs to help herself along. "I've always imagined," he says, choosing his words specifically. "What you'd look like when I finally was able to touch you. I wish I could see you."

"Soon, Castle." Biting her lip, she asks him to continue telling her what else he imagined.

"I've been trying to guess whether you'd be the loud or quiet type."

"Loud," she interrupts, pinching her plump, pink nipple between her thumb and forefinger and shivering from the chills that run down her spine. "Definitely."

"I thought so." She can feel his smugness radiating from the phone. "I wanna hear. I want to touch you."

Kate sucks in a sharp breath, her eyes slamming shut at his bold words making her add more pressure between her legs. Her clit throbs, making her body sing, and his voice is the music. A deep, soulful sound that makes it feel like he's here with her, like he's doing these wicked things to her body.

The fingers between her legs pick up their pace, sending moans up and out her throat, edging herself on.

"How?" The sheets feel warm beneath her, but the once chilled air that raised goosebumps, is now filled with heat, thickening the air.

"Running my hands down your body. Feeling every inch of your tantalizing skin before my mouth replaced my hands. I'd be so tempted to taste you, but no, I'd make you wait it for it. Tease until you started begging."

"I don't beg," she cuts in.

"We'll see about that." Shoving a finger inside herself, she groans at finally having been entered. Even if it's not the fingers she wants, needs.

"Yes, I want you to prove you can do it. And tell me what else you'd do while you're at it."

"I would go down on you. God, I can't tell you how long I've wanted to taste you, make you come with just my mouth. But I wouldn't stop-"

"Don't stop," she breathes.

"I wouldn't' stop until you were squirming from under me, needing to get away, but needing more at the same time." Castle's voice alone has her squirming, so desperate for more, for him. And so she grabs a pillow to shove it between her legs so she can squeeze around them as she rides her fingers. "And when I finally entered you, you'd be so wet for me, I'd go slow. Taking my time to feel every inch of you, you had to offer."

Curling her fingers up, she screams out, adding a second finger inside while her thumb draws hectic circles around her clit.

"And you'd dig your heels into my back with your head bowed back, exposing your succulent neck. I wouldn't be able to resist attaching my mouth to it. Biting down before soothing it over with my tongue."

She can almost feel it. The heat of his mouth ravishing her neck and suddenly the urge to kiss him becomes dominate. "I wanna kiss you."

"I wouldn't stop kissing you, Kate. That's the first thing I'm going to do when I see you."

She's seeing stars, the white hot fire burning down below, blinding her with the weight of pleasure.

Dripping the sheets, Kate's hips arch off the bed, flying, trying to reach that mountain peak as he helps her along. And she can feel Castle like he's here with her, like it' his fingers curled up inside her heat. It feels as if the weight of the pillow is really his chest, rubbing against hers, and his actual voice in her ear, against her skin.

"And I wouldn't stop, Kate."

"No, don't stop," she cries.

"I wouldn't stop until you were shouting my name as you came around me."

"Fuck, yes. Oh, Castle."

"I'd watch you every second as you fell apart in my arms."

"I'd want to feel you too," she pants out, the words barely forming correctly. "Castle," she whispers, hand moving rapidly in and out of her core, slick with her arousal, her desperation for him causing her toes to curl.

"Kate.." Castle says more, but his words are muffled by her heavy breathing, her screams of pleasure.

"Kate..." His voice is gruff, thick with need and it's all for her. Just for her.

Yes, just like that, Castle. Don't stop saying her name.

"Kate…"

" _Yesss_." She's about to explode and the fingers inside her don't feel like her own at all. Back arching off the bed and mouth opening on a silent scream, Kate's inner walls clench around her fingers as they hit her magic spot, zapping her with electricity that flows throughout her entire body.

"Kate!" he yells, bringing her out of her blissful mountaintop high.

"Castle?" It's almost like getting smacked in the face. She's reminded that it's not really his fingers she feels, his body on hers, and that his voice tickles her skin only through the phone.

Kate hears him rummaging on the other line, like he's rushing.

"Castle?" she repeats.

"I'm coming over, Kate."

Checking the time, 12:27 Am, her entire body tingles at the thought of having him here. Clenching her legs together to dull the throbbing, Kate sighs, eyes closing. "Castle," she whispers.

" _Kate_ … can I come over?"

"Yes."

* * *

 ** _Anon asked: PRECOUPLE PHONE SEX_**


End file.
